I thought I would share with you all what I have been up to in the last few weeks. I Have been very sick. I know I wrote to you all about how sick I was feeling while I was on Chantix and I stopped taking it a few weeks ago...but the effects of the drug lingered. I didn't get the right help I needed and ended up being severely depressed and sucidal. I ended up in a hopital last week on a locked ward for my own protection until the drugs they started giving me started to bring me out of my depression. I was also not eating. I had ketones in my urine that showed I wasn't eating and that was because I was so sick. I finally got to see MY OWN DOCTOR who knows me and knew without talking to me much that there was a big problem. Of seeing my face alone was a big indicator. I was red everywhere from crying which I could not stop and control.
I am home now on medication to help me sleep which was a big problem and might havc lend to the depression. I couldn't sleep if my life depended on it. I am also on an antianxiety med and on an antidepresant medicaton. I will see another Pysche doctor next week. I am going to try and get off the sleeping pills and the antiety pills. I am an RN and I know I don't want to be addicted to these pills. As far as the antidepressive goes...I was told I would have to take that for at least two years or the depression will come right back.
Anyhow...the reason I am letting you all know what has happened to me, and is to let you all be aware of Chantix and the side effect that is not on the information sheet you get with the medication. Also I wanted to let you all know it was terrible and pretty scary for me all that happened to me. How I managed to get some things tat proofed for some of you is beyond me. But it did get to the point where I couldn't tat, watch TV or anything...I just kept staring at the clock and feeling complete exhaustion which I think the exhaustion was one of the hardest things for me for though I was exhausted I couldn't sleep at all.
It was kinda funny NOT..but on CNN this morning I saw something about Singular medication causing depression and sucidal thoughts in some people. And then after that they talked about four other medications after that that is causing the same problem....at the top was Chantix. The same medication I was on and the Doctor felt triggered my depression.
Okay that is enough...I just wanted to let you know what is going on ....and today...I feel so much better than a week ago. I am still have a bi9t of trouble forcing the food down. I just don't feel hungry right now and some food smells set my stomach off. But don't worry I am sure I will be running after the filled donuts soon. YuM YUM....or give me a piece of my favorite pie....Lemon Merainge ( I know I misspelled that but oh well)
I will be in Hector next week. I think being in Hector after all I have been though lately will be a real good thing for me....to be with my tatting friends and be swept off my feet looking at all the beautiful tatting.
I am sorry no pictures with this post...I don't have any. But I will tell you on the day I got home from the hospital...what came in the mail but my very own Holidays Around the Block Book by Martha Ess. Since I was suppose to be resting when I got home....that book went right to bed with me. OOOoooohhh the patterns that were in there.
Also Fergus Og my little Leprechaun that Pam Myers from Ireland made and sent to me had a most joyful smile on his face when I went to my table and dropped my purse into the chair. I think he was happy to see me home again.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Here is another picture of my Leprechaun that Pam sent to me since the other picture I already upload doesn't go to a bigger size when you click on it....hate when that happens. I hope this time you can see a bigger picture of him when you click on him....keep your shuttles crossed please.
Hi, Yesterday was my birthday. Let me say I wasn't celebrating turning 29 again.
Lately I have been very sick and depressed which was caused by my ailment.
Some of you know that I had been a cigarette smoker. After going to the Palmetto Event last year I had to see my doctor for my yearly physical. While seeing him I had asked him if there was anything new on the market to help me get off the cigarettes. Mind you I have been smoking since I was fourteen years old. He told me about Chantix and I started taking the medication.
Anyhow...I don't know what happened but two and a half weeks ago all of the sudden I was very sick to my stomach and I mean sick. I don't think I have ever been so sick to my stomach plus I was vomiting. This was all day long for over a week I was going through this. I couldn't eat and the thought of food was making me sick. Then came the sleeplessness. I couldn't get to sleep to save my life. So what ended up happening was I was getting sleep deprived. And this went on for days. This then lead me to being depressed. I was throwing things out thinking I don't need them anymore. I got my hair choppped thinking that a new me would help with the depression I was crying all the time...and I mean all the time and I couldn't stop. I was exhausted. I was a real mess. I just wanted to die. My birthday was coming...UGH...another year older....my baby turned 21 so I was like...my kids no longer need me...and I was just a mess.
I finally called the doctor. It was either that or do something stupid for I had no control over my emotions at all. I went to the doctors and I could have watered all of his plant in the office for him from all the crying I did. He prescribed for me Ambien. Well....it helped me go to sleep which the doctor thought was what I needed ...( Well actually he also wanted me on an antianxiety medication too...but I told him I didn't want drugs to mess up my head more) anyhow...the Ambien didn't really help. I got to sleep but was then awake again in an hour or two and couldn't not go back to sleep. I went through this for a couple more days...and ended up even more tired and depressed. I didn't want to tat, knit or anything. I still couldn't eat...and I was just not me...and I was still crying all the time.
So there I was ....on the phone again to my doctor crying telling him...I need help. The sleeping pills were not working...so he told me he really wanted me on the antianxiety medication. So now I am on Zanax. But I am really going to try and not depend on taking it and end up addicted to it. I was addicted to cigarettes...which I have to say...I am no longer a smoker. Chantix did help me kick the smoking addiction but messed me up in the end.
I am still not quite myself...but I am better. At least I am not watering all my house plants right now. And I am not throwing things away because I don't have long to do anything anyways. This was all depression talking. Don't worry though...I didn't throw all my tatting and bobbinlace and knitting books out the door. But I did get rid a lot of stuff and I would have gotten rid of alot more if I had a car to take the stuff to.
So that is what is new with me. I know I have things to proof for people and I hope I can get back to tatting later on this week and get things finished.
Now for my birthday....which was yesterday.
I got a real nice package in the mail from an Irish Friend Pamela Myers from Ireland. She actually sent to me a Leprechaun that she made for me. He is so very cute...and oh the Beanie Bear is also so very cute. I love it. Pam still has to send me an email with the cute Leprechaun's name yet...I don't know what to call him and he is being silent and just smiling that cute smile at me...with those devilish eyes that twinkle.....LOL And as you can see he is guarding my chocolate coins that are in the purse he is sitting on ....
And the card she sent to me. Tatted Shamrocks and flowers on the front of it. You know when I was in Dublin, Ireland years ago one of the neatest things I saw was the street lights that had shamrocks as part of the fixture. I thought they were the coolest thing. Sometime I will put a picture of one of the street light here on my blog for you to see. I don't know about where you live but around here...we have just plain street lights. Nothing fancy about them whatsoever.
I also have a green bag she sent to me that has chocolate in it. I love the package she sent to me and it arrived to me right on my birthday. Pam had told me someone was going to come and visit me but probably not on my birthday...but he did come right on my birthday. Thank you you much Pam for everything you sent to me.
My husband got me some of the flowers in my Donegal Parian China Vase ( Made in Ballyshannon Co. Donegal, Ireland this was a gift from one of my girls for my birthday a different year0 that you see here. Some of hte flowers my daughter Michelle had also got for me when I was not myself. She got them I think to try and cheer me up. My daughter Chrystal got me a new Celtic Music CD for as she put it....I know you love Celtic Music...and it was called Celtic Spirit so she thought it would cheer me up. My daughter Chrystal also got me this very cool looking barette. When I told her on the phone I got my hair chopped she was like...how short did you get it cut....I think she had already bought the barette and was afraid I wouldn't be able to wear it. Well...just to let you all know...I didn't get all my hair cut...but it is alot shorter than it was. I got a shag hair cut so it is multi-layered now.
My daughter Michelle got me a beautiful bed set for my bed. Satiny, silk comforter and pillow shams and bed skirting. IT all looks so very nice on my bed. It is actually more purple looking than these pictures show...but you can get the idea of how silky satiny it all looks. Very pretty. Now I need to get a couple pillows to put in the pillow shams.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Look at the beautiful finger weight yarn my daughter Michelle got for me. This yarn was from
The original coloring was called Octopus Garden...but I wanted a hint of pinkish purple...just a hint and Anne at Woolywonkers did a special order for me to put that in the colorway. This yarn is just beautiful in coloring and it feels so soft too. This is the yarn I am going to use for MysticLight Kal on the internet that starts later on in March. I guess each of these Mystics were suppose to represent an element. The first one was called MysticWaters. So I guess blues would have been in order for that shawl.
This one the next Kal is MysticLight and should represent the element of fire. Well...some how I missed that tibit of knowledge. I didn't know each of these Kals was going to represent an element...so I got this yarn for I was thinking of Northern LIghts sorta speak. But I am happy with this yarn just the same for I hardly ever wear what I call warm colors which kinda goes along with the element fire.
I love my yarn choice that my daughter got for me...love the colorway which I can see me wearing down the road...a long road.....and Anne did just a beautiful job in doing the dying for me to have it my way.